The Most Ridiculous Character I Met All Day

That's the name of my new dinner hour entertainment. We all go around the table and describe the most idiotic or ridiculous person we have encountered on board that day. Now, to be fair, there are some lovely, kind, funny people onboard. But it seems there are far too many cranky, rude, entitled and pushy assholes, too. Yes, I said that. I was being polite. We're starting to fight back, or at least make fun of them. Which is kind of brazen, but it sure gets a laugh from everyone else.

Well, first I have to explain the elevator set-up. There are three banks of elevators on the ship; forward, midship and aft. The midship elevators go from deck 17 down to deck 5. And the big piazza area is midship, on decks 5, 6, and 7. So folks are often wanting to get to deck 5 or 6 or 7 midships. Now the forward elevators will take you to the same decks (17-5) and you can walk to the middle and be where you want. The aft elevators, however, don't quite work that way. The only go down to deck 6 and that is only for the far aft dining room. There is no deck 5 back there that is open to the public (it's full of propellers and motors and shafts and other propulsion devices). The only way to get anywhere forward from the aft is to go to deck 7 and walk forward and then go down to 5 or 6. In the aft deck 5 doesn't exist, and deck 6 is only a dining room and kitchen. Got it?

Half the people on this ship still don't get it. We always know this when we enter the aft elevators from a high deck (usually the big buffet which is aft on deck 15) and someone asks for deck 5 to be pushed. The conversation today went like this:

Man next to me: '5 please'
Me: There is no 5.
Him: Well, 6 then.
Me: Are you sure? You cannot get there from here. You probably want 7.
Him: Where am I going?
Me: I dunno, but if its on deck 5 you cannot get there from here.
Him: WHERE am I going????
Me: (I resisted the urge to call out 'This man is lost, does anyone know where he is going?'....You would have been proud.)
Me: Well, 6 only gets you to the dining room....
Him: That's what I want. (Here his body language was pretty much going: 'Hmmmph! Impertinent woman!)

By now, several other people were trying to explain he didn't want THAT dining room, which was closed at the time, and we all figured he wanted the midship dining room which was about to have another $10 Only Can't Miss Blowout Sale for 3 Hours Only ! ! ! ! But he was the kind of guy that you cannot explain these things to. We all gave up, Jackie just rolled her eyes and then we landed at Deck 7, where everyone except the man and his wife got off. Later, I thought I should have told Jackie to 'Go on ahead, I'm gonna ride this one out' and just watched while the two got off on Deck 6, looked at the dead end and then got back on the elevator. But I could not have resisted the urge to say 'Told Ya So' which might have landed me a punch in the face.

Jackie and I walked forward to the midship stores, did a little shopping and then wandered down to the big Blowout Sale. Just as we entered the dining room we walked over to the posted menu for tonight, and who do we see but the man and his wife, blocking the menu, and trying to decide where to go next. Another woman had to sort of push them out of the way to see the menu, and I said, a little bit loudly, "Well, look here, let's see what's for dinner tonight". So the wife would have to notice Jackie and me....and then they decided to move aside and amble off to wherever it that these creatures dwell.

Other finalists for today's award:
-The man in the scooter in the middle of the Blowout Sale....which is a tightly packed event with everyone jammed in and going 'pardon me' 'excuse me' 'I'll switch places'....who was blowing the horn on his scooter as if he thought he was going to part the Red Sea. Really, and just where do expect anyone to move to before you run them over?
-The man who told a total stranger to Shut Up on the elevator, apparently because he did not want anyone talking. Her comeback was priceless, however; 'Well, sir. I see you obviously did not get lei'd in Hawaii.' I might steal that one. 😂